The Confessions of a Rock Star

Let me start this post by saying that I love my job. I'm a school counselor and I'm not exaggerating when I say that there is no job I'd rather do. Where else could I have conversations with kids about who the best character on The Walking Dead is, or which FNAF game is the hardest, or which character from Steven Universe is the coolest and get paid for it?

I had a student today at lunch who said to me: "how do you make people feel good?"
"What do you mean?" I replied to him, not sure that I understood him over the low din of the lunchroom.
"This morning [a girl from his class] was crying and she went to talk to you, and when she came back she was happy." He explained. "What did you do?"

That was probably the best compliment I have received since I became a school counselor. Gaining the admiration and trust of students has always come very easily to me, and a lot of times when kids are begging me to sit with them at lunch and giving me high fives in the hallway I start to feel like some kind of rock star. But to be honest sometimes I let that feeling go to my head and I start to think that just because the kids like me it means that I'm doing well at my job. And that's not how it works at all. I do want the kids to look up to me so that I can be a good role model for them, but just because the kids think that I''m cool doesn't mean that I'm having a positive impact on their lives. So it's good to hear when I'm making a difference, and I hope that I can continue to do so.

To answer that kids question though, I don't know what I did. Sometimes students like the girl he was talking about come into my office and I roll my eyes because I think I'm about to hear some drama about how someone stole their boyfriend (yes, I have kids as young as the second grade who have that "problem") and they start talking and the next thing I know I'm getting teary eyed myself because I'm broken by the heavy burdens that their little minds are carrying every day. And then comes the part where I'm supposed to say something and I have no idea what is going to come out of my mouth. And sometimes God will give me deep profound things to say that I can't believe my vocal chords formed and after the students leave I have to go and write them down so I don't forget what God used me to explain. But usually I have nothing, and I just have to settle for letting them know that they are loved and cared about. Either way, it's in those moments when I feel completely helpless that God really decides to work through me and I see the lives of students change; not in the moments when I'm using my natural charisma and knowledge of Disney Channel cartoons to win the students approval. I guess having that charisma helps too though when I'm working with them later, so it's this beautiful combination of using the natural ability that God gave me to win kids over and trusting Him to lead me when my built in talents can't carry me any farther.

All that just to say again that I love my job. I genuinely enjoy having conversations with students, and that's my job description in a nutshell. They make me laugh and teach me new things every day, and I can't wait for tomorrow morning and all of the weekday mornings to come!

Out of My Comfort Zone

The first time I discovered an eight legged roommate in my new appartment was late one night (well, it was late for me...so about nine o'clock...) when I went to the sink to do dishes and found a massive wolf spider that wouldn't have fit in the palm of my hand. He was so gargantuan that I didn't know how to smash him without making a huge mess, so I ended up just scooping him into a cup and leaving him in there until I was sure that his crumpled form was completely lifeless. But after this encounter my spider senses were awoken and I began to notice them all over the house. These weren't oversized wolf spiders--they were just little jumpers or house spiders, and they were considerably less terrifying. In fact I decided that I would let my arachnid friends remain in my apartment. This decision came after I had the realization that if there were so many spiders in my home there must be a few insect inhabitants as well, and a few spiders are free pest control. Being the creative genius that I am, I named my web dwelling pets after the places where they could usually be found: kitchen spider, bathroom spider, and ceiling spider. As I type this ceiling spider, who is a very dark colored jumping spider which makes him easy to spot since everything above my living room is eggshell white, is chilling on the fan above me.
Honestly I'm not a huge fan of spiders. I think it's because they give me flashbacks to a time when I was hiking in tall grass in California and emerged with a small tarantula on my shirt. Thus, throughout my life, I have stomped and splatted and slaughtered countless arachnids. But I never really stopped to ask why I was doing it. I mean, in the case of the big wolf spider it made sense. Wolf spiders can be somewhat aggressive and their bites do actually hurt, though it certainly wouldn't be deadly. But the vast majority of those spiders, including all of the ones which currently dwell in my apartment (well, all that I know of...) are completely harmless. Killing them is just one of those things that I do with out thinking. And I've been realizing lately that I do a lot of stuff without thinking. Which, of course, reminds me of a quote from the web comic XKCD:

"Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they're doing. Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out. You're curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you are waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for interesting choices." XKCD webcomic, Choices Part 4, https://xkcd.com/267/

I want to make interesting choices in life. And every time I look up and see my friend ceiling spider I'm reminded that you shouldn't just do things because it's the way you have always done them. There are thousands of new opportunities every day that I miss because I just do what's comfortable. So I hope I keep looking for new adventures. And every day I'll look up at ceiling spider and...hmmm...she's not there anymore.... Where did she go...? Well I guess I'll be spending the rest of the night feeling like something is crawling on me every few seconds. Living outside of your comfort zone is exciting....

Adulthood is Underrated

I long to accomplish a great task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. –Hellen Keller

This quote has been a great inspiration to me as I begin my career as a school counselor and take on challenges like learning children's names, greeting students in the morning, preventing cafeteria collisions, writing lesson plans, and trying to listen to three or four students at a time over the low roar of the lunchroom. It probably doesn't sound like much, but I already feel the love when the Pre-K kids give me "finger waves" as they march past in the hallway, when the younger students give me hugs and high fives before leaving in the afternoon, and when the older students save me seats beside them at lunch. Hopefully, for a few of my students, those small gestures will add up to a life changing relationship over time. And that's great and noble enough for me.