The Confessions of a Rock Star

Let me start this post by saying that I love my job. I'm a school counselor and I'm not exaggerating when I say that there is no job I'd rather do. Where else could I have conversations with kids about who the best character on The Walking Dead is, or which FNAF game is the hardest, or which character from Steven Universe is the coolest and get paid for it?

I had a student today at lunch who said to me: "how do you make people feel good?"
"What do you mean?" I replied to him, not sure that I understood him over the low din of the lunchroom.
"This morning [a girl from his class] was crying and she went to talk to you, and when she came back she was happy." He explained. "What did you do?"

That was probably the best compliment I have received since I became a school counselor. Gaining the admiration and trust of students has always come very easily to me, and a lot of times when kids are begging me to sit with them at lunch and giving me high fives in the hallway I start to feel like some kind of rock star. But to be honest sometimes I let that feeling go to my head and I start to think that just because the kids like me it means that I'm doing well at my job. And that's not how it works at all. I do want the kids to look up to me so that I can be a good role model for them, but just because the kids think that I''m cool doesn't mean that I'm having a positive impact on their lives. So it's good to hear when I'm making a difference, and I hope that I can continue to do so.

To answer that kids question though, I don't know what I did. Sometimes students like the girl he was talking about come into my office and I roll my eyes because I think I'm about to hear some drama about how someone stole their boyfriend (yes, I have kids as young as the second grade who have that "problem") and they start talking and the next thing I know I'm getting teary eyed myself because I'm broken by the heavy burdens that their little minds are carrying every day. And then comes the part where I'm supposed to say something and I have no idea what is going to come out of my mouth. And sometimes God will give me deep profound things to say that I can't believe my vocal chords formed and after the students leave I have to go and write them down so I don't forget what God used me to explain. But usually I have nothing, and I just have to settle for letting them know that they are loved and cared about. Either way, it's in those moments when I feel completely helpless that God really decides to work through me and I see the lives of students change; not in the moments when I'm using my natural charisma and knowledge of Disney Channel cartoons to win the students approval. I guess having that charisma helps too though when I'm working with them later, so it's this beautiful combination of using the natural ability that God gave me to win kids over and trusting Him to lead me when my built in talents can't carry me any farther.

All that just to say again that I love my job. I genuinely enjoy having conversations with students, and that's my job description in a nutshell. They make me laugh and teach me new things every day, and I can't wait for tomorrow morning and all of the weekday mornings to come!

Out of My Comfort Zone

The first time I discovered an eight legged roommate in my new appartment was late one night (well, it was late for me...so about nine o'clock...) when I went to the sink to do dishes and found a massive wolf spider that wouldn't have fit in the palm of my hand. He was so gargantuan that I didn't know how to smash him without making a huge mess, so I ended up just scooping him into a cup and leaving him in there until I was sure that his crumpled form was completely lifeless. But after this encounter my spider senses were awoken and I began to notice them all over the house. These weren't oversized wolf spiders--they were just little jumpers or house spiders, and they were considerably less terrifying. In fact I decided that I would let my arachnid friends remain in my apartment. This decision came after I had the realization that if there were so many spiders in my home there must be a few insect inhabitants as well, and a few spiders are free pest control. Being the creative genius that I am, I named my web dwelling pets after the places where they could usually be found: kitchen spider, bathroom spider, and ceiling spider. As I type this ceiling spider, who is a very dark colored jumping spider which makes him easy to spot since everything above my living room is eggshell white, is chilling on the fan above me.
Honestly I'm not a huge fan of spiders. I think it's because they give me flashbacks to a time when I was hiking in tall grass in California and emerged with a small tarantula on my shirt. Thus, throughout my life, I have stomped and splatted and slaughtered countless arachnids. But I never really stopped to ask why I was doing it. I mean, in the case of the big wolf spider it made sense. Wolf spiders can be somewhat aggressive and their bites do actually hurt, though it certainly wouldn't be deadly. But the vast majority of those spiders, including all of the ones which currently dwell in my apartment (well, all that I know of...) are completely harmless. Killing them is just one of those things that I do with out thinking. And I've been realizing lately that I do a lot of stuff without thinking. Which, of course, reminds me of a quote from the web comic XKCD:

"Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they're doing. Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out. You're curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you are waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for interesting choices." XKCD webcomic, Choices Part 4, https://xkcd.com/267/

I want to make interesting choices in life. And every time I look up and see my friend ceiling spider I'm reminded that you shouldn't just do things because it's the way you have always done them. There are thousands of new opportunities every day that I miss because I just do what's comfortable. So I hope I keep looking for new adventures. And every day I'll look up at ceiling spider and...hmmm...she's not there anymore.... Where did she go...? Well I guess I'll be spending the rest of the night feeling like something is crawling on me every few seconds. Living outside of your comfort zone is exciting....

Adulthood is Underrated

I long to accomplish a great task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. –Hellen Keller

This quote has been a great inspiration to me as I begin my career as a school counselor and take on challenges like learning children's names, greeting students in the morning, preventing cafeteria collisions, writing lesson plans, and trying to listen to three or four students at a time over the low roar of the lunchroom. It probably doesn't sound like much, but I already feel the love when the Pre-K kids give me "finger waves" as they march past in the hallway, when the younger students give me hugs and high fives before leaving in the afternoon, and when the older students save me seats beside them at lunch. Hopefully, for a few of my students, those small gestures will add up to a life changing relationship over time. And that's great and noble enough for me. 

Activation

I was inspired today by an anonymous quote I heard from Dr. Lindsey Doe on her youtube channel sexplanations:

You can only act your way into better thinking. You cannot think your way into better acting.

This is a really difficult concept for me because I am a logical person and I like to do things such as look at my life and evaluate my actions to decide how I need to improve my behavior. But it very, very rarely works. Actually I can't really think of a single time that has worked.

For example: I’ve been trying to eat healthier for years now. And I’m not talking about becoming a vegetarian or going on a juice cleanse or anything—my problem is that I always overeat. I don’t stop when I’m full—I keep going until I’m about to explode. All I need to do is learn portion control. That’s it. I have a really logical argument for why doing so would improve my life in dozens of ways, the best of which being that I have a weird stomach thing which makes me unable to burp so instead I just have stomach pains and my stomach makes weird gurgling noises. But none of that logic has been able to persuade me to change.

The truth is you can’t reason your way into new habits; you just have to force yourself to do it against your will until your actions rewire your brain.

Some advice that can help you change your behavior:

·         Tell other people you are doing it—people you are around regularly, so that they can hold you accountable.

·         Focus on one goal at a time—don’t try to change everything at once. If you try to make drastic changes in every aspect of your life you will almost always fail in all cases.  But if you focus on one goal specifically you will find that the increased will power and mindfulness afforded to you will begin to impact other facets of your life in a positive way.

·         Find a measurable aspect of your intended change, set goals, and reward yourself when you reach them. Try to reward yourself in a way that reinforces the positive behavior; like if your goal is to exercise more regularly you could reward yourself by doing something fun and physical that you couldn’t do if you weren’t in good shape.

Believing

Instead of asking yourself whether you believe [in God] or not, ask yourself whether you have this day done one thing because He said, Do it, or once abstained because He said, Do not do it. It is simply absurd to say you believe, or even want to believe, in Him, if you do not do anything he tells you. –George McDonald

I’ve been spending some a good portion of my time in the book of James lately, and it is impossible for me to read that book in the Bible without questioning the nature of belief.

If you’ve ever heard me speak or lead a Bible study you have probably heard me use the illustration of the man who crossed Niagara falls on a tightrope while pushing a wheelbarrow full of sand. When he returned to the other side he emptied the sand from his wheelbarrow as he ask the crowd that had gathered whether or not they thought he could repeat the feet. When they resoundingly affirmed him he said: “let the man who really believes in me climb in this wheelbarrow.” (I heard this story from Michael Guido).

The story demonstrates that people can mean two different things when they say that they believe in something, and that only our actions can prove to us which kind of belief we are talking about. For example: I claim to not really believe in ghosts, but would I flee up the stairs from a dark basement so quickly if that were truly the case? Our actions can sometimes prove that we are lying to ourselves about what we do or do not believe in.

We say that God judges the heart as if it is a comfort, but I think we are often too optimistic about our hearts. We live our lives by the motto “It’s the thought that counts.” We are under the impression that we have good thoughts and good motives. But what do our actions have to say about what is really going on inside of us? Our fruits prove what kind of tree we really are. You can only know what’s inside of you by seeing what is coming out. 

I can’t read the words of James or Jesus without being confronted by the terrifying truth that people often deceive themselves about who they are and what they believe. So I have to keep asking myself: what do my actions say about the God (god?) I’m worshiping? And who (or what) am I a slave to?

Most of man’s psychological make-up is probably due to his body—when his body dies all that will fall off him, and the real central man, the thing that he chose, will stand naked. All sorts of nice things which we thought our own, but which were really due to good digestion, will fall off some of us; all sorts of nasty things which were due to complexes or bad health will fall off others. We shall then, for the first time, see everyone as he really was. There will be surprises. –C.S. Lewis: A Mind Awake

The Real trouble is that ‘kindness’ is a quality fatally easy to attribute to ourselves on quite inadequate grounds. Everyone feels benevolent if nothing happens to be annoying him at the moment. –C.S. Lewis: The Problem of Pain

How impossible it is to enact the surrender of the self by doing what we like. –C.S. Lewis: The Problem of Pain

Enjoy

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose—all that we love deeply becomes a part of us. –Hellen Keller

I got this quote second hand from the band Anberlin, and I think that this is a quintessential truth to grasp if you want to enjoy life. Owning something doesn’t add anything to who you are; your life is enriched by finding things and people that you passionately care about. How happy you are is directly related to the amount of people, activities, and experiences that you like. The most miserable people I know are the people who are picky about life. Let yourself be easily amused. Look for the good in others.

Now I have “Colors of the Wind” stuck in my head for some reason….

Thoughts for anyone who is Stressed

It’s been a pretty busy week for me as a graduate student and I keep hearing friends complain about their stress levels. I decided to post some encouragement from one of my favorite nineteenth century pastors:

It is not the cares of today, but the cares of tomorrow that weigh a man down. –George MacDonald

The best preparation for the future is the present well seen to, and the last duty done. –George MacDonald

Anything big enough to occupy our minds is big enough to hang a prayer on. –George MacDonald

Work is not always required. There is such a thing as sacred idleness. –George MacDonald

This morning I read Colossians 3:23 and it also has some good advice to offer for anyone who feels like they are drowning in responsibilities:

And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.

Ask yourself of all these things you are doing, “Who am I doing this for?” If the answer is God, then you should be glad of the responsibilities He has given you. If the answer is anyone else…then why are you doing it?